3 Life Changing Questions

What have been the most powerful questions you have ever asked yourself? When have you or someone else asked a question that quite literally changed your life?

This post is dedicated to putting the “quest” back into the word “question.” In Hebrew the root for the word question is שאל, which also stands for underworld, nether regions, abyss. It's even darker meanings are Hades, or grave. Both aspects of the word, in the two different languages, reflect the varied ways questions can affect us. Questions can propel us on journeys to the edges and beyond of our life experience or into the depths of what we carry within, including all the shadowy sides. Questions, too, can lift us up and forward like “what would you like to do or experience if you knew you couldn't fail and would be given all the necessary resources?” Or they can drag us down, down, down. Just ask yourself “what are some of my biggest regrets in life?” or “when was the last time I felt really bad?”

Small children are masters at asking questions. Why is the sky blue? How does the voice come out of the phone? Does god have mother? How does the grass grow? Why is that man crying? Or the famous road trip question of “are we there yet?” that so infuriates parents yet remains the riddle many of us still silently ask ourselves when it comes to our lives.

Here are a few of my favorite life changing questions.

1. What am I experiencing right now?

A dear friend of mine, who lost her beloved husband at a young age, told me that question helped her survive her grief and thrive beyond it. When her fear or sadness overwhelmed her, she'd focus on the feeling, including all the body sensations, and what was unbearable became bearable, in that moment.

I experienced this first hand in a powerful way years ago at a meditation retreat. All the sitting in the same position brought tremendous pain in my legs during a particular session. I tried calming myself, I tried lamaze breathing, and after each small bout of relief, the pain returned exponentially intensified. I observed myself thinking “Oh, god, how much longer is this going to last? When is it going to stop? How much worse can it get? I've been through so much already.” Basically I kept cycling between how much agony I had already experienced and how much more I was likely to experience. Nothing was working.

Then the pain became so intense, it took all I had just to get through the next breath and all thinking about how bad the last breath had been or how terrible the next one was likely to be was gone. I was in the breath of the present moment 100% and the past and future ceased to exist. It was still intense pain, but it was pain without the suffering.Then the miraculous happened. Suddenly, remarkably, all the pain just disappeared. Not gradually. Not in increments. It was as if someone had flipped off switch and the the pain was no longer there. Maybe because I was no longer there. I was here. I wouldn't have believed it possible, unless I had experienced it first hand. That moment was one of my life changing moments. That, as Eckhart Tolle has described, is the power of now.

2. Why don't you either do it or shut up? A cruder verion of this is: When are you going to shit or get off the pot?

I admit, it's not a nice question, but asked at the right time, it can be tremendously effective. It forces one to commit. All truly great accomplishments first require committment. My husband was challenged by this question years ago. Happy in his job as a journalist, he also yearned to leave and travel. He talked all the time about his desire to just quit work and see the world. One night, eating in a restaurant with a friend, she said, “you keep talking about quitting and going abroad- so why don't you either do it or shut up?” That shut his mouth and opened up his life. He left the job, traveled to Europe, eventually coming to Israel and forging a life here. Talk about a life changing question!

Now that I've hit my fifties and I realize that time is a limited commodity, I find myself asking this question a lot. One of the great benefits of middle age is that you begin to realize procrastination is highly overrated, especially when you hear of folks your age who planned to travel to Tahiti, learn how to speak fluent French, call that long lost friend, or reconcile with their parents, but died before they had the chance. I figure, do it now while you still have your knees and can usually remember where you put the keys.

3. How will I feel about this in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years?

I forgot who originally coined this series of questions but it's great for helping one keep perspective. Ever felt bad about something you said? Gotten a horrendous haircut? Been faced with a challenge or big opportunity that scares you half to death? Let's look a the bad haircut. In 10 minutes, you'll still feel pretty lousy. In 10 months, your hair will certainly have grown out, and in 10 years,you'll have gone through how many more haircuts? How about the big opportunity or challenge? Yes, that will still scare you in 10 minutes, but in 10 months you will have had enough experience under your belt to know whether you're doing what you want or not, and in 10 years you may realize that was one of your life's major turning points.

I hope you'll click below on comments and share some of your life changing questions with me.